Real Talk: How to Know Who’s Really For You. Written in The Realignment Room

Let’s be honest: not everyone clapping for you is cheering from a genuine place.

At The Realignment Room, we often say, “Realignment starts with reality.” And one of the hardest realities to face is this: some people in your life may not actually want to see you win. Whether it’s family, friends, coworkers, or partners, learning to discern who is truly for you and who is subtly (or not-so-subtly) against you is a critical part of your healing, growth, and success.

But how can you tell the difference? Let’s break it down—with both spiritual wisdom and scientific receipts.

1. Energy Never Lies (Even If Words Do)

Have you ever left a conversation feeling drained, confused, or second-guessing yourself?

According to research by Dr. Judith Orloff, a UCLA psychiatrist and author of Emotional Freedom, certain people, called “emotional vampires,”: can drain your energy and leave you feeling worse after interactions. This doesn’t mean they’re evil—it means they’re not aligned with your growth, at least not right now.

Red Flags to Watch For:

• You feel smaller around them, not bigger.

• They subtly downplay your wins or change the subject.

• You leave interactions with more anxiety than peace.

2. They Celebrate Your Growth, Not Just Your Struggle

It’s easy to find people who show up when you’re down. But can they handle your level-up?

A 2021 study from the University of California, Berkeley found that jealousy is most likely to surface in close relationships when one person’s success threatens the other's self-view. In other words, if your elevation triggers their insecurity, that’s not your fault—but it is your sign.

True Support Looks Like:

• Cheering you on, even when your path looks different than theirs.

• Offering resources, not just “I’m proud of you” texts.

• Not making your growth about them.

  
  

3. Consistency Over Closeness

Length of time doesn't equal depth of loyalty. READ THAT AGAIN... for the people in the back.

Just because someone has “been around” doesn’t mean they’ve been with you. Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, reminds us that trust is built in small, consistent moments. She calls it the “Marble Jar” theory: people earn your trust one marble at a time, through acts of reliability, integrity, and presence.

Ask Yourself:

• Are they consistent or only around when it's convenient?

• Do they honor your boundaries?

• Can they be honest without being harsh?

4. Watch What They Do When You're Not in the Room

What people say about you when you're not around reveals far more than what they say to your face.

According to research on social dynamics and trust (Kniffin et al., 2020), indirect social cues—like how someone represents you to others—are often stronger indicators of loyalty than direct interaction. Pay attention to the echo of your name.

Healthy Relationships Include:

• People who defend your name.

• People who advocate for you when you’re not there.

• People who don’t gossip to you about others (because they probably gossip about you to them).

5. Your Spirit Knows Before Your Mind Does

Let’s take it spiritual for a second. Discernment is your God-given radar. It’s the whisper that says, “Something’s off,” even when there’s no hard evidence yet.

Don’t dismiss that voice. Pray on it. Sit with it. The Realignment Room believes that as you heal, your discernment sharpens. And sometimes the most courageous thing you can do is believe your gut.

Final Thoughts: Everyone Can’t Go With You, And That’s Okay.

Truth is, sweetheart: not everyone in your life will celebrate your healing, your growth, or your new boundaries. Some will see the realigned you as a threat to the version of you they were comfortable controlling.

But you don’t need everyone. You need the right ones. The aligned ones. The people who pour into you, hold you accountable, and clap with their whole chest when you win.

At The Realignment Room, we’re not just healing—we’re watching fruit grow. And when you know who’s truly for you, the harvest is sweeter and the journey lighter.

Need help realigning your circle? Book a session today. Let’s do the inner work together.

#TheRealignmentRoom #HealingWithClarity #DiscernmentIsPower #InnerWorkIsRealWork